Dating after a psychopath

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You might think that's something you'd know right away by the red tint of evil in the person's eyes, the swastika tat on the forehead, or the insistence on discussing serial killers over dinner. Psychopaths can be extremely charming and come across like Prince Charming at first. On the first date, he'll probably tell you that you are stunningly beautiful, unbelievably intelligent, and uproariously witty.

So unless you know the signs, you'd probably get sucked into the life of a psychopath and not know who he or she really was until you are completely sucker punched. He will play into every fantasy and insecurity you have.

If you are a peaceful person, you might find yourself constantly fighting. You feel like there is something seriously wrong with you. You might say that you aren’t comfortable staying overnight together–your partner does so anyway. He or she might get upset–especially if you try to break up with them or say that you are leaving–however, there is no underlying remorse for hurting you. He or she might say that they are sorry if they hurt you (hit you, scream at you, cheat on you…etc.) and promise that it will never happen again, but their apology is more manipulative than sincere. They might speak badly about a previous partner, claiming that their previous partner was crazy, or a bitch, or an asshole.

They will make you feel like you are the one that is going crazy instead of them. You might worry about what you wear and what you say and freak out if someone changes your plans or something unexpected happens that you will have to explain later. You’re not quite sure what will set them off, but you are afraid that something you do is going to make them lose their temper… You might think that the Bears are the best football team–your partner will convince you that you are stupid for thinking so because they suck. They might talk about cheating on an old partner, or be proud of their reputation.

Here are some signs that might indicate that you are dating a psychopath. You might get mad at people for trying to convince you to break up with your partner, or make excuses for your partner because you are convinced that you are the only one that understands him or her. He or she feels entitled to act the way that they do.

In reality, he is off sizing up his next target somewhere. It could be an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend, a friend of the same sex, or even a celebrity. The final phase of the psychopath is the "discard" phase. One day, he is caring and loving and wonderful, and the next he is hateful and raging and mean. You are afraid to talk, or when you do talk you feel like you are never heard, your words are taken out of context, misunderstood, or blatantly ignored. In the beginning of a relationship they might seem like everything you ever wanted….usually this is because they are trying to act like everything you ever wanted. You have no support group and therefore your partner gains more power. He or she might be mean to people they think are “below them” or people who are defenseless, like babies or children. Like flipping a switch, he can change drastically from one extreme to the next. He or she acts one way when they are around you, but completely different around your parents, and completely different around their friends. Slowly, you lose your friends until you feel like your partner is the only person you have left. Your partner cycles from mean and vicious to sweet and loving, then back again. He might set traps for squirrels or rabbits and then torture them.That's why we understand each other." If there's an obscure book you love, he will make sure he loves it too. Pay careful attention to what a psychopath says on the first few dates about his exes and other people in his life. Does he break his foot on your second date and has to cancel? ) Did he lose his first wife in a car accident that left him with brain trauma (yet he talks fine and seems fine)? Everyone wants great sex, but those who have been with a psychopath often say it's the best thing they've ever experienced. A form of keeping you off balance -- but also possibly an unconscious slip of the mask of his persona. The first step in that is usually to give you the silent treatment over something.What he's doing is called "mirroring." He has no real identity, so he sucks yours up and mirrors it back to you. Try to check out his stories -- call hospitals if you need to -- but don't be surprised if he has an excuse for why you can't find any record of any of his traumas. Psychopaths are also known to disappear for days at a time.

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